I am not sure if it’s better to be respected or feared. I did a survey of people in my past that were still talking to me and I asked them one question “Were you tense around me?” The common answer was “I walked on eggshells around you.”
Seven months later of decompression, listening, teaching, loving, losses and my baby daughter and I think I’ve mellowed out a bit. However, I do relapse and snap heads off unexpectedly because I truly believe nobody wants the real truth of their situation. For being so blunt and brutally honest I have often been labeled as a monster. My general perception and read on people is, for the most part impeccable in knowing who and what they are. Its only when I let my newfound emotional side get involved that I get myself trapped in situations that I know will take a small piece of me with it.
The truth is simple and clean. I have a very hard time confronting myself with harsh realities and the truth of my situations. Yes, I only lie to one person, myself. I’m a monster to myself.
I have learned a way to convey the truth from my friend Matthew Stewart, it is how to convey the truth without hurting someone, without creating drama and without creating tension.
Here is the basic scenario:
You travel to a friend’s house, they bake a pie for you and the pie tastes like absolute dog crap! What do you say?
Well if you are Lee Honish of seven months ago, you’d say “I’m sorry I didn’t like the taste of the pie very much. In fact, it was almost inedible.”
I would personally prefer, especially as someone who fancies themselves a foodie (as I do, I wanted to be a chef once), I would want the truth to improve and create something better the next time. My feelings wouldn’t be hurt, I would improve.
What I’ve learned is that feelings get hurt; it creates a negative image of me for someone else. Again, when my feelings get involved (like most), it is difficult to stay focused. My goal over the last 7 months has been not to hurt anyone, anywhere at any time. I fail, it happens; I brush myself off, make amends and try to improve.
The correct answer as Matthew taught it to me: “I am so very happy and deeply touched that you went to the trouble of baking me this pie.”
Sometimes neutrality is simply the way to go and you didn’t lie and you conveyed the truth.
I work daily to destroy my inner monster and try and be a better man, I fall short and miss the mark. I say stupid things and far too often still look for a “pill” to ease the pain of all the stupid things I do. Next week is the first time really speaking with Trent Chapman of Short Sale Genius, with the “new” Lee Honish and I want him to be proud of my actions and not cringe at the possibilities of what I might say. Some say, I just keep it real and tell the truth. There is always an option to convey my point without shock and awe. To convey the truth and not just me being “right”, it is much like my sobriety… one day at a time.