I am not exactly sure how people see themselves in other people’s lives. I know for me, I see myself as a tool and literally I’m sometimes not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I am a tool. My purpose in the lives of many around me is to inspire change and growth. For me to do that it usually means that I have some level of connection. I emotionally have to get involved and care about the individual. The downside, much like a used up battery, once the change happens I often times get discarded. However, I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I inspire change in the lives of those I come into contact with. If they drift and settle after their contact with me, much like a relapse in AA, it ruins their attempt to “settle”.
Life becomes a series of events where choices are made, some good and some bad. It is a world of a million tiny doorways waiting to be opened.
My general rule of thumb in my own operating procedure (my standard boot program, for the geeks) is to generally do the opposite of whatever I am thinking. As of late the only time that this fails is when I allow my newfound emotional side to affect my judgment. It allows a vulnerable moment in my world and my life; it allows an “unknown” element to be inserted.
Fortunately, for most this only occurs with matters of love and relationships with others. For me, it can cloud the basic decision of a route when traveling. It is the constant cause and effect of life that people take for granted that generate our next actions.
I realize that in all scenarios that there are two sides to every situation, the tendency, even for me is to guess what the other side is up to. In fact one of my greatest attributes is the ability to read another person. It helps me in life, coaching and consulting. I am fascinated with myself and those I talk to of the obsessive behaviors that occur in guessing what someone else will do or how they will react. The only thing that can be done is to “keep your side of the street clean” – that’s a very ‘program’ concept: I can only take care of me, and only me.
I am convinced that everyone has a purpose in the lives of those around them. Some good and some bad, it drives us to the next series of doorways and affects and alters the next series of events. The goal is often not to allow negative to affect positive. For as many times as I have personally felt used as compared to being a purpose, I cannot allow that previous moment to interact with the lives and contacts I currently have around me and those I will meet in the future.
I try not to allow the past to have a hold on today, it happens to us all in some form or another. It is the ultimate risk and reward – the ability to allow you to go emotionally ‘all in’ combined with good judgment or bad judgment for the possibility of a greater reward, usually happiness and love.
The question I ask people is often this, “how’s that working for you?” It’s simple and direct.
The tough one is learning the difference between being a purpose in a life and being a user of life. Purpose and a cyclical affect and are beneficial to both parties. I believe in the two halves making to the whole and NOT to two halves making one. Falling into the user category tends to benefit only one party and generally speaking causes negative feelings.
For the most part I am a service tool in many lives day to day. Real connections for me, about me are few and far between. I am a ‘fixer’ and I have fixed a lot of people. I have inspired them to grow, change and evolve and become better. When separating my work life from my day life, it is often hard to find why anyone would find my personal side appealing enough to spend time with me, but that’s my own personal drama. I have friends and loved ones who just love me for me. It’s when the lines blur between life and work and I start to worry about trying to change things I cannot change…I need the ability to know the difference.
Be a purpose in the lives around you; try to limit being a user. As someone who has been used, many times for who I am, what I am and what I do…
Just try to complete the loop and make it a purpose.